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Surfers aint Paradise

There once was a time when Surfers was it Bottle-blonde bimbos tanning their tits Old fellas trying to calm racing hearts Families arrive with beach clobber in carts

Shaded beer gardens, entertainment galore Maori Te-poi, no charge at the door Dad comes to the table with tall frosty beers And to keep children happy, cold cherry cheers

Beach blanket bingo and group singalongs Surf reels whizzing, the slip-slapping of thongs Hula hoops, yo-yos, sipping Coke through a straw Good times, fun times, we cried out for more.

Ride waves on black surf mats, slide down the dunes

Mr Whippy blares endless Greensleeves tune Creamy cones dripping, as we hop on hot sand The days went forever, oh gawd it was grand.

Al Baldwin was legend with tattoos and tan spray Gorgeous girls queued in lines through the day Meter Maids meander in high heels and bikinis Young studs in Speedos, some big ones … some weenies!

Hawaiian shirts blinded, with their colourful flowers Transistors blared pop songs, with news on the hour Worse that could happen was a bluebottle sting Or battling the bedlam when the shark bells rings.

Bronzed beauties gather with frangipanis in hair Conga lines snaked through the tables and chairs Cavill Av was alive with ukuleles and maracas Now tourists line up for kebabs and Maccas.

Place was crowded with beach bunnies and grommets Now nightclub-lined streets are covered with vomit Drunks, druggies, prossies patrol late at night Fraudsters, marauders who give visitors fright

Roar of the race cars, the roads are all blocked Continues until midnight with the bands in full rock

Come November watch out, here come the Schoolies!

Shadowed by coppers and ambos, dealers and toolies

Developers, sales agents, investment bankers White shoes, gold chains - fair dinkum wankers Shysters, spin meisters, always alert for a scam Their eyes on rich mutton, dressed up as lamb.

Concrete monstrosities reach into the sky Poorly planned pillars, a blight to the eye Yeah, once upon a time it used to be nice But Surfers today? It ain’t paradise!

© eoin macdhugail October 2010

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