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The Christmas Fridge

It started out all casual like, just a few mates and me pre-Noel gatherin’ in the backyard, havin’ a drink or three we down a few of the old Fourex, and a Tooheys … or two! We’re all good mates, no risk of a blue It became a tradition, real ridgy didge But two days out from Christmas, I blew up me bloody fridge!

Went down to the local white goods store Looked over a range of twenty … or more Couldn’t recall that brand that I bought LG? Westinghouse? Didn’t give it a thought. All I recall was the sales girl, a bloody good sort Tight little bum in them hot pant shorts two bazookas pokin’ out of her chest When she gave me a wink I didn’t think twice, I bought fancy-nancy one, that even makes its own ice Shit, if she’da just asked I’da bought all the rest! Said it’d be delivered, by a bloke in a big bright truck Reckoned it’d be there tomorra, well, with a bit of luck

Bill and Bazza and Fred come round Deckchairs were busted so we sat down on the ground Threw some ice in our chilly bins cracked the cartons and stacked the tins in Then we got down to a ding-dong chat about work ‘n’ cricket, and this ’n’ that While waitin’ for the bloke from ’arvey Norman to deliver the Christmas fridge

Talk turned to footy, ’n’ fishin’, ’n’ darts Beer makes Bill windy, he let go some foul farts well time did fly and the hours went by Sun was slowly sinkin’ in the sky Barry’s a butcher, he’d brought a swag of prime beef Fred’s fronted with a coral trout, the best fish on the reef So we stoked up the barbie, while wondering why the bloke from ’arvey Norman Hadn’t delivered the Christmas fridge

We were startin’ to get a little bit pissed And we got to thinkin’ maybe the delivery was missed Stubbies were runnin’ out when Bill gave a shout there was a truck down the road, emptyin’ its load it was a bloke from ‘arvey Norman liftin’ what looked like a bloody fridge!

well, I wandered on down with a bit of a frown are you lost, mate? Got the right address? “Yep, delivery for Thompson, 24 Burberry Lane”

Bugga me - had the same street, had the same name But numbers were reversed - I silently cursed because when it really got down to it I’d been distracted by the sales girl’s tits!

Anyway, it was tiny house and very clean stark in furniture, hardly anythin’ to be seen Broken down car in the yard, they were doin’ it ’ard Kids galore, a women at the door ’avin’ a bit of a cry, dabbin’ a tissue to ’er eye ran ’er fingers through ’er hair turned to look at a man plonked in a chair

’is eyes met mine, ’is lips quivered as he spoke “Mate, fair dinkum, we are dead-set broke Been redundant since May Not had a pay since that day Kelvinator kacked it, stove don’t work I'm at the end of my tether, goin’ quite berserk Can’t afford any presents, clothes are third hand been livin’ on handouts, mainly food in cans.” ’is wife butted in, ’er face split with a grin “Then this bloke turns up with a fridge on ’is truck Dunno who it came from, but it’s our good luck!”

Well, bugger me, what was a man to do? I hid me own tears, turned, and shot through I went back to the blokes and we took a quick vote whipped down to Target before it closed Fred filled some boxes with colourful clothes While Bill poked about among the toys Easy to choose, the kids were all boys! I ducked into the bottleo for bubbles and beer That oughta bring mum and dad some cheer

Bazza went to Woolies had a good look before deciding on roasted veg and hot chook Added some custard and a Christmas pud Jeeze, we were feelin’ pretty good. Stacked the loot in the boot, it was a fair-sized load And just after dark, we sneaked it down the road Christmas time wouldn’t be the same For the Thompson family, Burberry Lane.

Well, the followin’ week we sat out the back bullshittin’ on with our usual chat drinkin’ beers and battin’ away midges Bonza for us, it was Bazza’s shout Sent the boy out front, to keep an eye out for the man from ’arvey Norman deliverin’ the New Year’s Fridge

© Eoin Macdhugail 2014-18

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