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Can do (a political pantomime)

My name is Campbell Newman

I’m the leader of the pack

When it comes to fair-go treatment

We’re just a bunch of brats

When it came to choose No.1

Who better than a Lord Mayor

I’m unelected, well, that’s true

But the back room boys don’t care

I’m Can-Do Campbell

Jeeze, I’m great

I used to run the council

And next I’ll run the state

(Back-up chorus line - He used to run the council, and next he’ll run the state)

It’s like the state of origin

With mates against their mates

The way it’s going the LNP

Can’t help but disintegrate

Which one is the Mexican?

Which one is the toad?

No matter who and what they are

The party will implode

I’m Can-Do Campbell

I always get my way

Take no notice of what I do

Just do what I say

(Take no notice of what he does, just do what he says)

We had to toss out JPL

The dentist from the coast

He had no mongrel in his soul

When we needed it the most

I suppose it was a bastard act

But John Paul was no loss

And when it comes playing fair

I couldn’t give a bloody toss

I’m Can-Do Campbell

And I’m first class

When I bend to touch me feet

The sun shines out me arse

(When he bends to touch his feet, the sun shines out his arse)

Larry went ... and Hobbsy too

We cleaned out our front bench

You’ll see new faces on the floor

Hell, we’ve even got a wench!

We’re all really closet Liberals

But to please the country folk

And keep the peace in parliament

We chose a country bloke

I’m Can-Do Campbell

I’ve got no policy

I’ll just do what I want to do

just you wait and see

(He’ll just do what he wants to do, just you wait and see)

Our new leader in the house

Is me old mate Jeffrey Seeney

When it comes to gutter politics

He can be downright meany

Jeff goes all red and flares his cheeks

Like a stirred-up bush goanna

And gives it all he’s got, and more

To take on Hard Hat Anna

I’m Can-Do Campbell

And I am Number 1

When I take on Anna Bligh

I’ll kick her up the bum

(When he takes on Anna Bligh, he’ll kick her up the bum)

As the party’s newborn leader

I’ll roam rural and remote

And point out Anna’s failings

In a bid to snare your vote

Hey, we’ve got no power or budget

Our promises are a joke

But we’ll convince you to ignore

All the mirrors and the smoke

I’m Can-Do Campbell

And I ain’t got much hair

But when I look into the mirror

I just see a premier

(But when he looks into the mirror, he just sees a premier)

So when it comes to voting time

There’s one thing I should mention

My name is Campbell Newman

In my own mind: I’m a legend.

© eoin macdhugail

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