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Today's Assumers, Consumers and Doomers

Something’s odd about my new next-door neighbour,

He’s filling his house up with boxes of stuff.

On passing, I peeked around the garage door,

Blow-up dolls filled with helium― that’s rough!

I went to see if I could grab his attention,

A deafening ding-dong shook at the door.

I thought the blonde blow ups didn’t deserve mention,

When up the hallway floats two dozen more.

“I’m a comin’,” he yells in a Mediterranean voice,

From down near the very back room.

He’s havin’ trouble with his helium dolls,

Maybe he should try a bigger broom!

Our eyes eventually met in the kitchen,

He said he only had a second to chat.

We sat on boxes of folded up women,

Buxom Blonde Bombshells folded up flat.

“You’ve certainly got some gadgets here,

Is this what you sell at your shop?”

“Yes, and tonight there’s a party, I know it sounds queer,

A rumba night― where we dance til we drop”.

A little disconcerted by my visit,

Through the doorway, I went back outside.

And even after the streetlights lit,

Things sounded quiet from my house just beside.

I’m not really spying from my window,

It’s just that my balcony looks over his fence.

At first there was silence then little did you know,

Cranked up music began party-time events.

Could have been a regular love-in for the Gold Coast,

Scrumptious sounds and dance carried on.

Heard some popping, another doll burst,

Maybe there’s too much Cabernet Sauvignon.

Deflated dolls dropped, lining the floor,

Some inflated ones hissed past the gate.

A strong breeze blew others out an open side door,

Toward the heavens where they’d twist and gyrate.

Some grey-army guests who caught the bus over,

Thought helium dolls left them overjoyed.

They danced in the yard with their silent partner,

Until their blow-ups were lost or destroyed.

In the distance there were quite a few onlookers,

Watching blonde bombshells, hovering starkers, float away.

A patrol car gave warning via megaphone speakers,

The Radio reports aliens at Miami bay.

The Air Force was briefed for a seek and destroy mission,

To chase UFOs in a midsummer night’s breeze.

Fighter jets flew across to deter the invasion,

That should bring this alien invasion to its knees.

So, if you move to a new house, with new neighbours all ‘round,

And throw a party to get rid of old stock from your shop.

I’d think wisely about the shockwaves you might send,

To the radio the Air Force and one lone megaphone cop.

John Stewart©2021


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